There’s a lot of talk about self-love these days, but why is it so hard to grasp? Maybe it’s because so many of us have been conditioned to believe our worth is tied to what we do—our achievements, our productivity, and even how others perceive us. The world often teaches that love must be earned, that it comes with conditions, and that if you fail, you lose it.

But that’s not how real love works. Conditional love leads to constant striving, self-criticism, and searching for validation in all the wrong places. No wonder so many people struggle with insecurity, burnout, and feelings of unworthiness. Self-love tied to success will always be fragile.

But what if love isn’t something to be earned? What if it’s something to be received? Learning to love myself starts with understanding God’s unconditional love.

What’s Holding Me Back from Self-Love?

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to extend grace to others but struggle to do the same for yourself? Maybe you’re a people-pleaser, constantly seeking approval. Or maybe you set impossibly high standards, and when you fall short, your inner critic won’t let you forget it.

The problem with basing your worth on achievement or the approval of others is that people—no matter how loving—have a limited supply of love to give. Their “wells” can run dry. If your self-worth depends on someone else’s validation, what happens when they fail to give it? The cycle of never feeling “good enough” begins again.

Instead of looking outward for self-love, you need a source that never runs out. There is only One whose love is endless, unconditional, and unwavering—Jesus.

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Related Reading: I Thought My Good Actions Would Make God Love Me

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Receiving God’s Love to Love Myself

Jesus is the ultimate source of love. He sees you—not just the version of yourself you present to the world, but the real you. The one who struggles, the one who has doubts, the one who doesn’t always get it right. And still, He loves you completely.

Many people think they have to “fix” themselves before coming to God, but the truth is, His love meets you exactly where you are. His love is not based on performance. It’s not conditional. It doesn’t fluctuate when you make mistakes. It’s a love that knows your flaws and loves you anyway. When you learn to root yourself in His love, you’ll begin to see yourself differently.

He’s not waiting for you to be perfect—He’s inviting you to receive His grace. Until you stop and receive that love, something will always be missing in your soul. You can’t manufacture self-love, but you can go to the well of endless love and draw from it daily.

Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.” That means real self-love isn’t about trying harder—it’s about staying connected to the Source of love. When you stay connected to Him, love nourishes your heart and shapes how you see yourself and others.

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Related Reading: 5 Verses to Overcome the Enemy’s Attack on Your Abundant Life

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Learning to Love Myself to Love Others Well

You’ve probably heard the command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But have you ever considered that this assumes you love yourself first? If you constantly pour into others without taking care of your personal well-being, you’ll eventually feel drained, resentful, or burnt out. Love, when it flows from an exhausted or depleted heart, is not sustainable.

True love comes from a place of wholeness. It’s not selfish to care for yourself—it’s responsible. When you nurture your soul, set healthy boundaries, and receive God’s love daily, you become more patient, compassionate, and present for those around you.

Think of the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These aren’t just ideals but are evidence of a healthy root system connected to God. If your soul is depleted, those qualities will be harder to cultivate.

So instead of seeing self-care as indulgent, view it as an investment in your ability to love well. Jesus Himself took time away to rest and pray—shouldn’t you do the same? Love yourself well, and that love will overflow into the lives of those around you.

5 Practical Ways to Grow in Self-Love

Knowing God loves you is one thing—living it out is another. These steps help turn faith into action:

1. Speak Kindly to Yourself

Your words hold power. Instead of replaying past mistakes or believing negative thoughts, choose to speak life over yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

2. Let Go of Perfection

You were never called to be perfect—only to grow. Mistakes are part of life, not proof of failure. God’s grace covers you, so extend that same grace to yourself.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Loving others doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” not instead of yourself. True love flows from a place of wholeness, not exhaustion.

4. Remember Who You Are

You are more than what you do. Your worth isn’t found in achievements, productivity, or other people’s opinions. You are a beloved child of God, created with purpose.

5. Reflect on God’s Love Daily

Just as your body needs daily nourishment, so does your soul. Spend time in prayer, worship, and scripture to remind yourself of God’s unfailing love.

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Seeking Support? Let’s Connect.

Learning to love yourself isn’t about ego, self-indulgence, or ignoring your flaws. It’s about seeing yourself through God’s eyes—loved, cherished, and full of purpose. When you truly receive His love, it changes everything. You stop striving, stop seeking validation in all the wrong places, and instead, live with confidence in the love that never runs out.

So, take a deep breath. Let go of the pressure to be perfect. And remind yourself of this truth: You are worthy of love—not because of what you do, but because of who you are in Christ. For guidance on your path to an abundant life, schedule a complimentary call with me.

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Join the free community of positivity, encouragement, and tips for creating an ABUNDANT LIFE! It all begins with choosing the right thoughts and creating the right habits to live a life of abundance. I’m Dr. Richelle, an Abundant Life and Business Coach, dedicated to helping you navigate life’s crossroads with purpose, joy and a healthier connection to yourself, others and God.